My Wife and I talk sometimes...
- Tonight, my wife was watching television, and I was not.
- Wife: Can you imagine being married to more than one of me?
- Neil: What?
- Wife: I'm watching Sister Wives.
- Neil: I don't know what that means.
The Sword - Barael’s Blade
My best friend got home, and found his wife sitting on the floor, and listening to this song. How lucky am I to have this best friend and this best friend’s wife?
Lyrics:
Forged by the crow-mage from Shards of Darkness,
Honed by the half-breed to vorpal sharpness,
Behold! The Bastard’s Blade…
Bane of the Demon Lord.
Slayer of the spider-priests.
Spiller of the silver blood.
Fragments of bore infused with purest steel,
A warrior’s hand and a wizard’s mind to wield,
Killer of lor avenging those accursed,Gathering knowledge, quenching deadly thirst.
Behold! The Bastard’s Blade…
Bane of the Demon Lord.
Slayer of the spider-priests.
Spiller of the silver blood.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go edit every home video of me to this song.
Check out a new webseries I’m enjoying called “Tiny Apartment.” Created by the very funny comedians: Jessie Cantrell, Mike O’Gorman & Pat Driscoll.
This is Episode #1, “Sexy Night.” Great stuff right from the start. But Episode #2 is really funny too. #3 has some celebrity power, and I know you TV fans will like #4. Just watched #5, and that’s strong too.
Really, just watch ‘em all, and support good, old-fashioned, slow-roasted comedy
2010-2011 Player Profile: Kobe Bryant
It’s great to go “first.” Ask Neil Armstrong. You have no idea who the other astronauts are, because you only know the name Neil Armstrong (save it, space nerds. I’m making a point). “First” gets a lot of publicity. “First” place. “First” to “discover” America. Rambo’s “First” Blood.
Well, in Kobe Bryant’s unending drive to be first on the list of greatest players ever, going second suits him just right.
Read the rest here.
Ya gotz ta go follow me over at Got ‘Em Coach.
In the 1987, the good people at MGM made a Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Of course they did. And you know what? It’s so bad. But I’m sure you figured. Of course it was bad. It was a Garbage Pail Kids movie. Made in 1987. Starring Mackenzie Astin and that dead eyed girl from the classroom montage in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
But, man oh man - the plot of this thing. It’s pretty incredible.
If someone where to say to you, “Not having seen it in a hundred years, or even ever what do you think the plot of the Garbage Pail Kids Movie would be?” and you didn’t say, “Mackenzie Astin has a schoolboy crush on a teen rebel who makes and sells her own clothes and when the Garbage Pail Kids show up it turns out they’re really good at making clothes so they help him out by simultaneously sewing clothes together and singing songs about how easy things are to do when you do them together. And then the whole thing culminates at a disastrous fashion show.” well then you’d be wrong. Because that’s the plot of The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Turns out they’re really good at making clothes. Other stuff happens too, but that’s the real crux of the thing.
It’s as if some executive said “I want to make a Garbage Pail Kids movie and I need a script in five minutes” so someone went digging around and found some old script that had nothing to do with Garbage Pail Kids and said “here” and then they made it. Except with Garbage Pail Kids.
Oh and it’s streaming on netflix and I suggest you watch it.
Waldo died of Auto-Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Bad transfusion. Everytime you look for him in a photo, you’re looking for his disease-addled body. He used to be much fuller.
Mama…I wanna go to the Hawaii 5-O store.
I’ve gotten this question twice now.
Normally, I’d just make my answer a joke, but in this case, I feel compelled to give you an honest assessment. The answer is “No.” But he’s up there.
“Successfully” playing two sports is a bit misleading. Lots of people do that. Playing professionally narrows the gap a little, but what about Olympians? Must we consider Dan, Dave and Bruce Jenner (the only decathletes I know)?
The elephant in the room is named Bo Jackson. I feel comfortable saying, at his peak, Bo was more successful than Deion in both sports. The candle that burns twice as bright will destroy it’s hip though, and Bo didn’t get the seasons Deion got (correction from reader Ken Gentry). Does that enter into the equation? I think it does. So, I’d say Neon leans at the tape in the head to head matchup, but Bo knows he climbed a higher mountain, and that hurts Deion’s legacy as “greatest athlete of all time.”
I would also add transcendence into the mix, and while Deion certainly was larger than life, I think he’s probably remembered as an egocentric guy rather than, say a humanitarian like Muhammad Ali. Was he not the precursor to Terrell Owen and Chad Ochocinco on the Cincinnati VH1’s? Whatever he does lose in transcendence, he makes up in how damn entertaining he was, but in the final tally, there’s nothing gained and nothing lost.
An irrefutable tag for Deion Sanders is the best cover corner in NFL history. His peak had to be his time with the 49ers. He shut off half a football field from offenses.
Thanks for the question, and make sure you’re following my sports tumblr over at gotemcoach.com. Feel free to tell me I’m wrong over there.
This is important. O-H-I-O!
Sports and Comedy go together like pancakes and condensed milk. That’s why I started gotemcoach.com. For the story behind the name, the plans for the site, and to support ya boy, head over to gotemcoach.com
I’m taking my talents to gotemcoach.com
For the past half year, The NBAOffseason Guys allowed me to post as (brainworks) on this blog. I noticed some trends, enjoyed Pau Gasol science and sandwich jokes, and found some cool stuff here, here, here and here.
And then I started writing some longer pieces about LeBron, the Lakers v. Celtics rivalry, and Kobe. You can search through all my brainworks stuff here.
I’m excited to keep writing some stuff here at NBAOffseason, but I hope you’ll follow me and continue to support my stuff at Got ‘Em Coach.
I’m gonna blow the doors off off my new site, with more basketball stuff, more sports jokes, more photos, more photoshop, more everything. I hope to make it as good as Offseason, and I hope to see you there.
May all your layups be reversed,
Neil
…it’s a great story, I’m now actively rooting for Michael Oher, and I don’t even really care that they Disney’d up the SJ and Collins characters. I just have to know one thing about The Blind Side.
How did Sandra Bullock win Best Actress for that role. How did she do it?
Aren’t there 20 other actresses that could have put on that Southern accent and acted liked they cared about a real kid, who seems genuinely seems really nice?
Why did she tell him she would cut off his penis at the end?
Cause it’s gonna happen.
