January 2008
13 posts
What happens if a bird hurts it’s foot? Does it just lie around for weeks?
I can’t imagine there being a height in celebrity higher than having your name mentioned in a positive way in a rap song. I mean, if you hear your name in a cool rap, doesn’t it INSTANTLY become your favorite song? Do you EVER get tired of it?
I just started playing Guitar Hero 3, and when I first saw that blue button, I almost vomited.
I can’t believe Dream On by Aerosmith isn’t on Guitar Hero.
My girlfriend also picked up GH3, but she only plays the songs she can get into, which means I’ve been subjected to an inordinate amount of “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”
Music is much more like math than it is art. ...
I think it’s fun to hiccup and then say, “Wow. That was a mistake.”
When I was in the 6th or 7th grade, we had a science fair. I did my project on rust. I had two jars. One jar had water and a nail, the other had just a nail. I then proved my hypothesis that the nail exposed to water would rust faster than the nail placed in the empty jar.
Listen, I knew what was going to happen. We all did. My science project was paper-thin. But it was all in the...
I wish there was a plain clothes policeman, in an unmarked car, who sat on the shoulder of highways and major thoroughfares and pulled people over for bad driving. Here’s how I see it working:
1.) This policeman (herein referred to as MAN) wears civilian clothes, sits in a Buick, and pulls people over for violations of unwritten rules:
Car A pulls over to the right so Car B can pass. However,...
I had a pen pal once. Not like my cousin or something. I literally signed up for some sort of program, perhaps through some sort of children’s magazine like Highlights. I think he was from Kansas. Don’t remember his name. We wrote two poorly worded letters to each other when we were 9 years old and that’s where it stopped. I wonder if he’s reading this right now and is proud of...
I think “fiction” should be fact, and “non-fiction” should be make believe. It’s the “non.” It makes total sense. Follow me:
“Non” means not.
Made-up stories are NOT the Truth. The first President of America is William Hurt. That is NOT the truth. Therefore, the word for made-up stories should have the NOT, or in this case, NON.
No one ever...
I saw my nephew crapping in the corner of his house. Instead of being gauche, I told his mother, “Your son is really giving it to his diaper.”
Can you think of anything spreading faster than the game where you convince a semi driver to honk his horn by doing the pull-down pantomime? Can you imagine the early years of that project?
I’d imagine the first person to try it was with a passenger, and the passenger must have been like, “Holy shit, you got that semi driver to honk his horn by doing that.” Passenger must have...
My mother called them “Macintosh computers.” That makes me wonder what I say that 13 year olds ridicule behind my back.
I’m going to invent an awesome video game that loads in ten seconds. It will sweep the country and make me a billionaire.