This Is How My Brain Works...
My name is Neil, and when I grow up, I want to be a professional basketball player, a freedom fighter, or a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I made the black20 videos.

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Just some thoughts while watching Avatar

What’s the climate on Pandora? 

I mean, the vegetation looks pretty lush, so I have to assume it’s some sort of tropic atmospheric character. 

So, why isn’t that a big deal in the movie?  How come nobody’s sweating profusely?  How is temperature acclimation not a part of Neytiri’s Na’vi teaching?  How come the Sky People aren’t complaining about how hot it is?  How come when the Sky People don’t have terrible trouble with those gas masks?  Wouldn’t they be constantly fogging over the inside from sweating and radiating heat?  Do they spit inside their masks like goggles in a swimming pool?

Seems like a bit of an oversight, Jim. 

I don’t want to say it cost you the Oscar, but I highly doubt the Academy wasn’t pondering these same thoughts…

Best Part?  When Jake Sully wins back the entire tribe, despite crossing them all and costing them their land and culture, solely by brain fucking the biggest dragon.

what do you do when you are married to someone, but love someone else?
Asked by Anonymous

Drugs, I think.

Not 100% certain, but I’d bet a decent amount of cash that to become a successful model, ‘tis better to lose America’s Next Top Model than win it. 
I’ve never ever seen an ANTM winner modeling anything, but I know a bunch of the losers have gone on to rewarding careers.
How do I know that?  The television show tells me.  They do reports on successful losers, meanwhile their winners dissolve into reality star obscurity.
You probably don’t care, but I think it’s a potentially interesting phenomenon.

Not 100% certain, but I’d bet a decent amount of cash that to become a successful model, ‘tis better to lose America’s Next Top Model than win it. 

I’ve never ever seen an ANTM winner modeling anything, but I know a bunch of the losers have gone on to rewarding careers.

How do I know that?  The television show tells me.  They do reports on successful losers, meanwhile their winners dissolve into reality star obscurity.

You probably don’t care, but I think it’s a potentially interesting phenomenon.

TONIGHT, WE’RE ALL CHILEAN MINERS!!!
My wife and I realized the Chilean miners must be burying their poops.  33 miners.  69 days.  At a rough 1 poop per day estimate, I’m approximating 2,277 poops in that hole.
And that number’s growing.
(winstonwolfe: baxterp2)

TONIGHT, WE’RE ALL CHILEAN MINERS!!!

My wife and I realized the Chilean miners must be burying their poops.  33 miners.  69 days.  At a rough 1 poop per day estimate, I’m approximating 2,277 poops in that hole.

And that number’s growing.

(winstonwolfe: baxterp2)

My Wife and I talk sometimes...

  • Tonight, my wife was watching television, and I was not.
  • Wife: Can you imagine being married to more than one of me?
  • Neil: What?
  • Wife: I'm watching Sister Wives.
  • Neil: I don't know what that means.
  • 309 Plays

The Sword - Barael’s Blade

My best friend got home, and found his wife sitting on the floor, and listening to this song.  How lucky am I to have this best friend and this best friend’s wife?

Lyrics:

Forged by the crow-mage from Shards of Darkness,
Honed by the half-breed to vorpal sharpness,

Behold!  The Bastard’s Blade…

Bane of the Demon Lord.
Slayer of the spider-priests.
Spiller of the silver blood.

Fragments of bore infused with purest steel,
A warrior’s hand and a wizard’s mind to wield,
Killer of lor avenging those accursed,

Gathering knowledge, quenching deadly thirst.

Behold!  The Bastard’s Blade…

Bane of the Demon Lord.
Slayer of the spider-priests.
Spiller of the silver blood.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go edit every home video of me to this song.

gotemcoach:

2010-2011 Player Profile: Kobe Bryant
It’s great to go “first.”  Ask Neil Armstrong.  You have no idea who  the other astronauts are, because you only know the name Neil Armstrong  (save it, space nerds.  I’m making a point).  “First” gets a lot of  publicity.  “First” place.  “First” to “discover” America.  Rambo’s  “First” Blood.
Well, in Kobe Bryant’s unending drive to be first on the list of greatest players ever, going second suits him just right.

Read the rest here.

Ya gotz ta go follow me over at Got ‘Em Coach.

gotemcoach:

2010-2011 Player Profile: Kobe Bryant

It’s great to go “first.”  Ask Neil Armstrong.  You have no idea who the other astronauts are, because you only know the name Neil Armstrong (save it, space nerds.  I’m making a point).  “First” gets a lot of publicity.  “First” place.  “First” to “discover” America.  Rambo’s “First” Blood.

Well, in Kobe Bryant’s unending drive to be first on the list of greatest players ever, going second suits him just right.

Read the rest here.

Ya gotz ta go follow me over at Got ‘Em Coach.

Where is Waldo?
Asked by Anonymous

Waldo died of Auto-Immune Deficiency Syndrome.  Bad transfusion.  Everytime you look for him in a photo, you’re looking for his disease-addled body.  He used to be much fuller.

My wife and I went to see The Town last night.

  • Me: Could I get a medium popcorn, and a large Sprite, please.
  • Concessions girls: Sure. Do you want anything else?
  • Me: Yes. Yes, I do. I want your finest box of Buncha Crunch
  • Concessions girl laughs and places a box of Butterfingers on the counter.
  • Me: Oh, I'm sorry. I said Buncha Crunch.
  • Concessions girl: Oh, then that joke was even funnier.
  • Me: Yes it was.
gotemcoach:

gotemcoach.com
Seeing as how he's one of the only athletes who successfully played two sports, is Deion Sanders really the greatest athlete of all time?
Asked by Anonymous

I’ve gotten this question twice now.

Normally, I’d just make my answer a joke, but in this case, I feel compelled to give you an honest assessment. The answer is “No.”  But he’s up there.

"Successfully" playing two sports is a bit misleading.  Lots of people do that.  Playing professionally narrows the gap a little, but what about Olympians?  Must we consider Dan, Dave and Bruce Jenner (the only decathletes I know)? 

The elephant in the room is named Bo Jackson.  I feel comfortable saying, at his peak, Bo was more successful than Deion in both sports.  The candle that burns twice as bright will destroy it’s hip though, and Bo didn’t get the seasons Deion got (correction from reader Ken Gentry).  Does that enter into the equation?  I think it does.  So, I’d say Neon leans at the tape in the head to head matchup, but Bo knows he climbed a higher mountain, and that hurts Deion’s legacy as “greatest athlete of all time.”

I would also add transcendence into the mix, and while Deion certainly was larger than life, I think he’s probably remembered as an egocentric guy rather than, say a humanitarian like Muhammad Ali.  Was he not the precursor to Terrell Owen and Chad Ochocinco on the Cincinnati VH1’s?  Whatever he does lose in transcendence, he makes up in how damn entertaining he was, but in the final tally, there’s nothing gained and nothing lost.

An irrefutable tag for Deion Sanders is the best cover corner in NFL history.  His peak had to be his time with the 49ers.  He shut off half a football field from offenses.

Thanks for the question, and make sure you’re following my sports tumblr over at gotemcoach.com.  Feel free to tell me I’m wrong over there.

My niece calls them strawbabies

  • Neil's brain: But if God doesn't exist, how the hell do you explain strawberries?
  • Neil: No, I know. I know. They're really good.
  • Neil's brain: They're delicious.
  • Neil: I love them.
  • Neil's brain: I LOVE them.
  • Neil: I know.
  • Neil's brain: Well?
  • Neil: Well, what?
  • Neil's brain: Where did strawberries come from?
  • Neil: Probably from some sort of God. You're right.

I like Sandra Bullock…

…it’s a great story, I’m now actively rooting for Michael Oher, and I don’t even really care that they Disney’d up the SJ and Collins characters.  I just have to know one thing about The Blind Side.

How did Sandra Bullock win Best Actress for that role.  How did she do it?

Aren’t there 20 other actresses that could have put on that Southern accent and acted liked they cared about a real kid, who seems genuinely seems really nice?

Why did she tell him she would cut off his penis at the end?

I spoke TOO soon.  If you thought NC A&T was good in rehearsal, watch them destroy the reproductive organs of everyone in this audience. 

How fun would learning be from this teacher?  I can’t say enough about this decision.  Prescient.

North Carolina A&T tears it DOWN.  College band KILLS IT, covering the Bed Intruder song.  God Bless those Auto-Tune kids for making this.  My favorite meme ever.

When those horns hit.  Oh my god.  Teacher of the Year.